I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
