just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
