True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
