I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
