In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
