yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
