Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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