if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
