I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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