Kiss
Puke
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
