He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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