bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
