Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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