I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
