my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
