He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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