so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
