sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
