just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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