I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
