If i come over, it means nothing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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