I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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