I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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