but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize