Will you blow on my dice?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She's the barista slut.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
