I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
