Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
