end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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