My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
