Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
