Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
