Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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