Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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