I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
