I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
