waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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