third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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