He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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