we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
