I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Vodka?
Forever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
