Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
