The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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