Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
