My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
