Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
