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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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