I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
