I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
