I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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