yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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